You know, something that really surprised me after losing my baby is how even "minor" holidays were super hard, grief-wise. I wasn't expecting to care about Halloween or July 4th or whatever in regards to the grief of my baby's death, but grief will DO you, whether you are expecting it or not.

This July 4th weekend has been similar for me. And I am also feeling the collective grief of the horrors created by the U.S. government, the hangover from the fall of Roe v Wade anniversary in the month of June being all over the place. Our TFMR and abortion stories being paraded around, but the GRIEF piece, the MOTHERHOOD piece, never mentioned.

Whether you live in the U.S. (many of you in the Sanctuary do) or elsewhere like me (in Mexico), this U.S. holiday creeps around the world and touches on themes like "freedom," "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" and dang does that activate places around our TFMR stories for SURE.

No matter your affiliation or beliefs, if this holiday is feeling heavy, especially thinking about what those of us in the TFMR community go through legally and access-wise, you are not alone.

And under it all...Under it all, we are missing our babies. Loving our babies. I just want to say you are not weird if you are missing your baby a little extra as the world just wants you to "ooooh!" and "ahhhh" over fireworks and barbeque.

For help this weekend I've put together video conversations on anniversaries and grief dates. I recommend the video on "minor holidays" - that feels particularly helpful for this weekend: https://the-tfmr-doula.thrivecart.com/l/support-in-seasons-of-grief-guidance-for-anniversaries-holidays-milestones/spring-easter-blues-triggers-from-minor-holidays-and-the-passage-of-time/

Has this minor holiday caught you off guard too?

Father's day feels, all welcome here. I'm sending this out as the weekly email too, feel free to respond there or here <3

This will be my first Father's Day without my dad, he died late last year. The words are not coming. I wanted to send you all something inspirational, something hopeful. Mother's Day, Father's Day, all the sibling and children-adjacent days are ROUGH after we lose our own babies or our parents. That is a fact.

If this Father's Day is feeling tender for you too, we are here for you (almost wrote hear - yes, we want to hear about it too)​​.

​​Something that is hitting me hard this year is a pithy little saying seems to be going semi-viral in the abortion rights space. They are saying "Happy NOT Father's Day to all the men who have benefited from abortion access!" ... and... sigh... there it is again, the erasing of our parenthood if abortion was part of ending a pregnancy experience. So I will say it again, for you, for the loss dads in your life: even if your baby's body could not stay that does not negate your relationship. A love and relationship eternal 💕

Because my husband IS a father to my baby. And my dad IS a grandfather to my baby, and I imagine him holding her in his arms, until I get there too. And no pithy little advocacy saying that cannot touch the nuance of TFMR abortion baby loss (because OF COURSE it can't in one little sentence) can EVER take those family relationships from them or from me.​​

Thank you to all the dads. ​​

​​Probably a wonderful week to tap into the Reiki videos for TFMR baby loss this week, or the getting through anniversaries and grief dates. Find them all in the the Sanctuary portal here: https://the-tfmr-doula.thrivecart.com/l/

I just joined, my name is Darcy, I lost my baby girl, Maple at 23 weeks in October to a micro deletion On Chromosome 16. Just looking to not be so alone in my grief journey.

Aww, still feeling gentleness towards my body after today's Feeling & Healing Circle. Such a beautiful practice and my body says, YAY <3 and thank you, Kate for leading us <3

I'll share the replay link here so you can come back to it, practice with us, feel held in this circle too:
https://the-tfmr-doula.thrivecart.com/l/community-calendar-replays/healing-feeling-circle-replay-may-20th/ <--- if you like watching the videos we always have them up here in portal.

And seeing the most recent circle pop up on your private podcast feed is another way to join in. If you need help getting the Sanctuary Replays podcast set up, send me an email (reply to ANY Sanctuary email, it goes to me).

I want to make sure the tech is working FOR us, bridging us, connecting us, bringing us together from all over the world so if you come upon a sticky point with links/apps we use here in the Sanctuary I want to hear from you and help you out <3

Our TFMR Support Sanctuary is opening up with me and Kate as the facilitators. Posting in here to remind everyone that our first LIVE circle will be on Thurs. April 2nd, 2026 at 7pm Eastern time. I want to open with a connecting circle with our babies: bring a candle, journal, oracle/tarot cards if you use them and any questions, nothing is too much, too big to ask. Most of the circle will be recorded (what I share & those who wish to be on the recording) and then we will stop the recording for more private/unrecorded sharing.

If you are already a member you'll get the Zoom link reminder to your email. If you'd like to be a member https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/join is the link (you'll have to copy paste, our community space doesn't automatically hyperlink *yet*). Much love to all of you, and I'd love to hear a check in, have you experienced any signs/connections from your babies recently? <3 Sabrina

I actually fully enjoyed a Mother's Day event for the first time in years and I want to tell you about it. It involves bringing my baby with me. All of them 💜

Here in Mexico there's a tradition where the schools put on a mother's day event, JUST for the moms. No kids allowed! They bring in live singers, give away gifts, feed us. I was invited to one of these events for my oldest daughter. She was 4 years old when we lost Clara to TFMR and has grieved her sister along with me in many beautiful ways.

So my oldest daughter gave me the ticket in 🎟️ and the morning of the event I turned the ticket over and wrote all three of my babies names on it. L... Clara... and A... 💜🤍💜

I used the ticket to get in. Knowing I brought all my babies to the event.

They are all a part of my story, they are ALL my ticket in.

And I remembered throughout the event that I have all their names engraved on my heart and soul, ALWAYS.

I enjoyed the food, the music, the laughter. I took breaks and went to the bathroom as many times as I wanted to.

...and I want to share because I want you to feel the permission to do it too. You can give yourself the permission. To bring your babies along.

Thinking of you as we move into Mother's Day weekend. Remembering your babies and the where they are engraved on your heart 💜

Just remembering those early, raw days so many years ago (I lost Laurel in 2012), and how hard it was to answer the question, "How are you doing?" Even as it was asked by people who knew that I was doing freaking terribly.

It gets asked with kindness, not knowing what else to say. And anything I said would have been ok. But it was like an existential crisis every damn time.

So trying on other questions,

"How is today?"

Worked a little better for me because I could compare my today to my yesterday. It felt like a more concrete ask. And I am ultimately glad my friends kept asking, becuase when words come up short, at least they were showing up for me, and that came through.

How do you like to be checked in on when there's absolutely no way that a small talk question or answer is going to cut it, but your loved ones still care?

Welcome to the TFMR community wall! This is our sacred space.

Our TFMR Support Sanctuary is opening up with me and Kate as the facilitators. Posting in here to remind everyone that our first LIVE circle will be on Thurs. April 2nd, 2026 at 7pm Eastern time. I want to open with a connecting circle with our babies: bring a candle, journal, oracle/tarot cards if you use them and any questions, nothing is too much, too big to ask. Most of the circle will be recorded (what I share & those who wish to be on the recording) and then we will stop the recording for more private/unrecorded sharing.

If you are already a member you'll get the Zoom link reminder to your email. If you'd like to be a member https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/join is the link (you'll have to copy paste, our community space doesn't automatically hyperlink *yet*). Much love to all of you, and I'd love to hear a check in, have you experienced any signs/connections from your babies recently? <3 Sabrina

Thanks for this space, I'm coming up on an anniversary and I've been having trouble figuring out if I want to remember the day alone or ask others to participate in some way. What have you all done before?

As you come in, if you wish to share your TFMR story, your baby's name, a grief or special remembrance date with us, if you want to post a "heart <3" comment on another's post, all welcome.

I'll share my TFMR story first. My baby, second pregnancy, was very sick and we found out in the 11-14 week scan. All these terms were flying at us that I had never heard before. Hydrops, cystic hygroma, Turner's, no nasal bone, possible genetic anomalies like a trisomy... And then we were told we only had less than a week "to decide" but we still had to cross into another state no matter what. No matter that I could get sick, no matter that she could die or suffer as the weeks went on.

The whole process, the brutal, shameful laws and conditions that so many of us go through the hardest thing of our lives ... it lit a fire in me, a fire so strong to love and care for others like us. Baby loss misunderstood, but baby loss STILL.

That was in 2018, and now todayI've created groups and spaces and programs and workshops and an annual conference for US.

And this space, this is a space for US. For our expression, for our healing. A light in the darkness that feels like it is overtaking humanity at this moment.

A password protected area, CODED BY ME, HOSTED BY ME (yes, I went into white text blinking on black background consoles and learned HTML, Javascript, CSS, HPH, mySQL, command functions, and more to BIRTH THIS INTO BEING!!)

So we can type "abortion", not @b0rtion or whatever stupid shit we have to write to get around algorithms. So we can say "baby" and no self-righteous such and such will come down on us in the comments.

No, this is AN EXTENSION of the safety and holding and care we create together in the circles, in our spaces, in our groups and this space if for us, by us.

I love you all, thanks for creating this space with me.

It will evolve as we do. To OUR needs, not to the needs of some tech algorithm.

These notes, this community, dedicated to Clara and all our babies. To the bravery and tender hearts of the TFMR community. Our healing is OURS, spaces are OURS, we heal together.